Chasing Cars

I have a desire to blog today, but don't know if I have adequate words. As I sit here at my computer I am arrested by the name of this blog. SPENTLIFE. It causes me to pause and meditate for a moment. Does this apply to me? Nice words, yes. A very noble goal for one's life, but does it apply.

Am I an American? An American, who is chasing the dream like a dog chasing a speeding car? A car that will never be caught and if it actually is, it may very well be worse then never catching it at all. Chasing is not SPENTLIFE. Chasing simply makes me tired and frustrated. Chasing is seeking my own ways first. Seeking the advancement and the top placement of my own Kingdom. Am I an American? An American, who is chasing?

Or do I seek another Kingdom first? What would it look like if I were truly seeking another Kingdom first? Would my words be different? Would my patience be different? Would I love differently? Would my actions be different? Would my thoughts be different? Would my motives be different? If my life were not my own, how would that look?

For what Kingdom do I SPEND my life on? What am I advancing?

The answers to these questions, I can not be sure of.

.love.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

Love your neighbor as yourself: although its rhetorical power has been dimmed by repetition, that is a radical notion, perhaps the most radical notion possible. Especially since Jesus, in all his teachings, made it very clear who the neighbor you were supposed to love was: the poor person, the sick person, the naked person, the hungry person. The last shall be made first; turn the other cheek; a rich person aiming for heaven is like a camel trying to walk through the eye of a needle. On and on and on—a call for nothing less than a radical, voluntary, and effective reordering of power relationships, based on the principle of love.

**THE ABOVE WAS TAKEN FROM ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARTICLES, WRITTEN BY BILL McKIBBEN IN A 2005 ISSUE OF HARPER'S MAGAZINE.**

The link to the full article is: http://www.harpers.org/archive/2005/08/0080695 . Don't read it if you want to stay comfortable and the same.

Joy

"This is true joy in life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."

This is one of my favorite quotes and one I ponder on from time to time. I occasionally pull out old journals of mine and go through them to capture and meditate old quotes that I have written down over the years. This morning I ran across this quote, one attributed to George Bernard Shaw. The truth here is sobering. True joy is not derived from seeking after that which makes us happy. No true joy is derived from being used up. Used up for a mighty purpose, a purpose bigger than ourselves.

When I meditate on this, I quickly come to the point of realization that being selfish has no place in being joyful. In fact selfishness and joy may operate directly opposed to each other. Can a selfish person truly experience joy. Can they, in all their longings for themselves, ever experience the sovereign truth of a joyful existence. A genuine joyfulness.

But I'm not selfish. Or am I? I'm not counted among that number. Or am I? How often do I not take that phone call because I'm just tired and don't want to talk? How often do I sleep in, when I know the Father is wooing me to awake? How often do I turn that TV on when the book I'm being led to read is sitting on the end table right next to me? How often am I used up for a purpose that I recognize as a mighty one?

Maybe I am selfish after all. And maybe, just maybe, somehow my joy is tied into all of this.

Been Awhile

Well it's been awhile, well over a year now I suppose. Not even sure I remember how to post, but I thought I'd give this thing another try. My musing and thoughts need to find a resting place. Daily I post them in my own personal journal that I take with me everywhere I go. It's a form of outlet for me where I can express my thoughts, desires, plans, and inner longings. I'm not sure if a public forum for this is necessary or even acceptable.

This forum will never take the place of my journal, I don't want it to. But I do acknowledge that there is value in a public forum and public discussion. So we will see where this leads. I am making no promises to others and no promises to myself. We will see if discipline will prevail or if this will fade again.

As for today, I have begun again. As for tomorrow, that is yet to be seen.

being lit on the journey

So I've been getting lit up lately from alot of folks about not posting lately. So here I sit arriving at my office around 8:30 this morning, listening to the Dave Matthews Band and contemplating this newest post. I tell you I love the times and seasons of our lives. I think one of the greatest failures of our existence here in this life is not slowing down enough to understand and enjoy the journey that we are on. Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but I am so cognisant of the journey that I am on.

I used to see my life and my relationship with Him as a destination-based relationship. I was looking for something to fulfill, some place to arrive. Most of us, if we are driven-type people, live our days with destinations in mind. Destinations drive us. We have lists of things that we need to get accomplished, we have goals that we set for ours at work or in life. We gauge our effectivenss, and sometimes even our happiness, by the reality of if we reach these destinations or not. But I have come to learn that this is so opposite to how the Father wants us to live, especially when it comes to relationship with Him and fulfillment of His purposes. He is much more interested in a journey-based relationship than a destination-based relationship. It's about the day in and day out. It's about the little things, the daily love-life that we have with Him. He is more concerned about our journey than He is about our accompishments and destinations that we arrive at.

For this I love Him. The journey. Take me Father, take me and teach me to live with"open eyes" to understand the beauty of this journey. Help me not to miss the sweetness of the daily things, the sweetness of you. For this I love you.

birthday and communication

I would like to say a sincere thank you to all of those who contacted me yesterday and wished me happy birthday. I was reflecting on all the folks who contacted me yesterday and I have concluded that I am truly blessed to have folks who will go out of their way, stop what they are doing and give me a shout out on my birthday.

I have also been reflecting on all the different ways that I was contacted yesterday. I think I have counted seven different ways in which peopled contacted me yesterday. The ways were in person, by phone, by mail, by email, by text, by IMing me on my phone, and by facebook (which I have yet to ever log-on to since my loving wife created one for me). It's amazing that we have so many different forms of communication now. I recently finished the book "John Adams" written by David McCollough. I dove into this book for two different reasons. Number one the Lord told me to read it and number two I have always been intrigued about the men who have served this country at the highest level (in fact I have a desire to read biographies on all 43 men who have served us). In this book many things stood out to me, but one thing that absolutely intrigued me was the way in which communication happened in the late 1700's. The description of communication and the complications with the time it took to communicate is, in my opinion, one of the intriguing things that jump out of this book that beautifully describes that time frame.

During the late 1700's communication was really only done via two mediums. One was of course face to face communication and the other was via letter. There are some amazaing stories of peace negotiations over in France or England that literally took months to get that news back to the States. In fact there were major war-time decisions made in Philadelphia or Boston concerning a possible war with France or England that were made months after peace treaties were made between foreign officals and officals from the States. It would take months to get word, via letter, across the ocean. The communication problem was not just religated to large distances either. In fact there is another story that when John Adams died (at his home around Boston) that his son, John Quincy Adams then serving as the 6th president of the U.S, received word so late in Washington D.C. that he wasn't even able to get to the Boston area until a week or so after his Father's funeral.

Communication in today's society and time is an absolutely amazing thing. We now know of specific little stories of war and of world events literally minutes after they happen. I can now be contacted seven different ways by people simply wanting to wish me happy birthday. So what does all this mean. It would appear to be a huge benifit of the times we live in. But do you wonder if all the communication advances are simply so that we can get news faster or so that we can have different avenues to get messages to people, like happy birthday. Where is the Lord in all of this communication advance. Is there more of an obligation to communicate now or have we now relied on others to communicate to us about Him, thus surrendering our right and duty of personal communication with Him.

Hmm, it has me thinking.

traditions, commands, and the nazis

Sometimes I read scripture and wonder about others. I wonder if some "Christians" have ever really read and applied the word at all. Sometimes I read scripture and wonder about the Western Church. I wonder if anyone except me sees any similarity in the Pharisees of Jesus' time and some of our Western Churches and Church Leaders today. Then there are times like today when I read scripture and wonder if I've ever really read it and applied it or if I am like the Pharisees.

There's a portion of scripture in Mark 7 that has lit me up today. One of those punches in the gut that you get from the Father just when you think you are beginning to understand things and live accordingly. I love these punches, because it's a form of discipline from Him. His punches and discipline just prove to me that He has love for me. (one of my favorite scriptures says "the Father disciplines those that He loves"). My punch today dealt with the commands of the Father vs. the traditions of men. It was an interesting and thought-provoking little jab that the Lord hit me with. If you are interested in getting a gut-shot as well check it out in Mark 7:1-9.

I should have seen this punch coming. He has been baiting me into a corner over the last couple of days so that he could deliver this shot. Kind of like a holy rope-a-dope move, he's good at these. He's been positioning me just right to land this punch that is showing me my own traditions sometimes get in the way of fulfilling His commandments. One of the ways He positioned me was by having me watch an older movie. Now if you know me you know how big of a deal that is for me. I very seldom ever watch movies. But the Lord spoke to me and told me to watch Schindler's List the other night. I have to confess I'd never seen it before.

What really primed my pump about this true story and about this era in Germany and Poland in general is the fact that there were Christians alive and actively assembling together during that time there (notice I stopped short of saying actively worshiping). They were actively having church in the middle of one of the largest mass killings of the innocent. They were adhering to their traditions, their normal routine of their version of Christianity. But adhering to traditions only doesn't do us a thing, when in the midst of all the adhering we are neglecting His commandments (refer again Mark 7).

The one thing that has stuck with me the most, and then I will stop this rant, is a story I once heard about one particular church in Germany/Poland at that time. It was a church that just happened to be positioned right in front of some railroad tracks. During this time in history, Hitler would use the railways and the train systems to transport hundreds of thousands of Jews to Auschwitz, which was the ultimate place of their slaughter. He would literally have the Nazi soldiers cram as many Jews in boxcars as possible and then transport them via the rail to the place of their death. A horrific scene, a dark time in the history of God's chosen children. In the middle of all this activity and right in front of one of the major train tracks stood this church. It is said that when the trains went passed you could hear not only the train, but the cries of all the people that were inside the boxcars. Adhering to their traditions, the story goes that the German Christians continued to hold church services and that in fact whenever they were in service and they began to hear the train come by they would simply "sing louder" so as to drowned out the cries of the innocent.

My heart breaks Lord for a people so caught in tradition that they would neglect your commands. It forces an inward look into myself. Am I simply "singing louder" in my daily life when I hear or see the train of injustice go by in front of me. What are our churches doing, do we stay in the four walls and crank up the music. Do we adhere to our traditions and all the while neglect your commands. Father forgive us, oh Father forgive me.

4:20 on Sinai

I always wondered if Moses had the munchies while he was in the wilderness. Unbelievable article came out this week about the patriarch and his cannabis usage.

Check out the following article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23468364

It's ridiculous really, we continually try to disprove our history and our journey that the Father has had us on since creation. It becomes more difficulut to fathom evolution and stories like this one then it does to simply believe God's historical stories of journey that He penned for us in His word. I have given up trying to understand people and their persistent efforts to disprove Him and all His wonder.

Today, I simply believe you Father. I believe your word, I believe all of the events of the journey that you've had mankind on since dust became Adam. Thank you for our legacy, thank you for allowing me to be one of your created one that is priveleged to participate in the journey of mankind. We were created and placed on this journey to interact with you and in thus doing interact correctly with other created ones that you've also placed here. Let me learn from mankind's past journeys, let me draw even closer to the dust-shaper.

Love goes out to you today Father, from me.

carlin

****NOTE: AFTER POSTING THIS I RECEIVED A BLOG COMMENT LETTING ME KNOW THAT THIS ESSAY WAS NOT A GEORGE CARLIN ESSAY AFTER ALL. IN FACT THE TRUE AUTHOR OF THE ESSAY IS DR. BOB MOOREHEAD, FORMER PASTOR OF SEATTLE'S OVERLAKE CHRISTIAN CHURCH. THANK YOU TO SARAH FROM SALT LAKE CITY FOR CATCHING THIS FOR ME. (YOU CAN CHECK OUT SARAH'S BLOG AT http://yesourhandsarefull.blogspot.com/ ****

I received this in an email from a friend last night:

What a difference a sad event in someone's life makes
(George Carlin's wife recently passed away)

A Message from George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships . These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
-George Carlin

.true.

I love the 21st century that we live in. This morning I woke up and the Lord spoke to me to post a blog during worship service. I thought, sure why not. So here I am during a sweet worship time with other sons and daughters of Christ typing away.

I desire Lord to be true. To be true to you. You've created me unique, you've created all of us so uniquely. Individually we all have our quirks, our likes/dislikes, our different personality traits, our oddities, but one thing is ture Lord and that is that we are this way because this is the way that you intended for us to be. Long ago I realized that I have to stop apologizing for the way that I am, for in doing so I am slapping you in the face. I leared that I must stop wishing that I looked different, that I had different abilities, or that I was like someone else. When we do this we are squashing the uniqueness of our creation. I was formed the way that I am for a purpose, His purpose.

So I must be true, I must be true to Him. In being true to Him, I am true to myself. I am who I am for a purpose. For His purpose. Father I am coming into a place in which I love who I am. I love how you have created me. In loving who I am, I am loving you. Loving you for creating me the way that I am. I refuse to try to become like someone else. I refuse to shift how I been created just because I like the way that you've created someone else. I appreciate how you've created your other sons and daughters, but Father I do not desire to be like them. I only desire to be like me. To center down and become more like myself, more like who you fashioned me to be.

Shortcoming, do we have them, of course we do. Should we work on thing in our life to become for aligned with you, sure we should. But should we change or alter who we are simply because we like the way that someone else is better. No Sir. I will not desire to be anyone other than who you have created me to be. I will be true. I will be true to you. True to your original design for me. I will not change just to satisfy someone else, I will only change to align myself more with you. Thank you for my design, thank you for the person that you have designed. I love you Lord, I will be true to myself, thus being true to you.

conviction and porn

God's been dealing with me a lot lately about owning my relationship with him. He's been dealing with me about not relying on the "local church" to organize our relationship. Far to many typical American "Christians" rely on their local churches to provide them with opportunities to minister, to be invovled in missions, to worship, to fellowship, etc. This was never Jesus' intention. His intention was and has always been for us to have an individual, real relationship with him. One in which we are ministering to others in our day to day life. One in which we are individually reaching out to the poor and marginalized that we interact with on a daily basis.

In this current season of the Father really convicting me and turning my thoughts more to my individual relationship with Him. He has also been opening up my eyes to "issues-focused" living vs. "compassion-focused" living when it comes to our interaction with others. Let me explain, I recently went to a Porn Debate on the campus of ETSU in Johnson City, TN. It was a debate between Craig Gross (pastor/founder of xxxchurch.com) and Ron Jeremy (the most recognizable male porn star in the world). It was a cool debate, they just did another one at Yale University that Nightline is covering, you can check it out at http://www.abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaceOff/.

Although it was good, when I left that debate my spirit was grieved a little bit. When Craig was speaking about pornography and the people either invovled in the industry or invovled in the consumption of the industry, it was from an "issues-focued" platform and not a "compassion-focused" platform. Is there anything wrong about talking against porn from an issues point of view, no. But I couldn't get passed the thought that this was not at all how Jesus dealt with things while he was here. Jesus was moved and compelled forward by geniune compassion for people, never by an issue. When confronted with the woman caught in adultary, he did not take that as an opportunity to speak on the issue of fornication and make a example out of her. What He did was to cover her and drive her accusers away, both things done out of compassion.

So how do we handle people and thier shortcomings. Are we movtivated by an issue (pornography, abortion, homosexuality, etc.) or are we motivated by genuine compassion for individuals who find themselves in these situations.

So I'm convicted. Why? Is it because I'm caught up in porn, no. It is because I have been and am currently guilty of being "issues-focused" and not "compassion-focused". We change the world, if we live liked Jesus lived when He was here. He was concerned about people not issues. What are we concerned about?

do it yourself

Little agitated this morning as I write. Little agitated at us, the people who call themselves Christians. At least I'm agitated at a majority of us. I have recently been preferring the term "Christ Follower" to Christian. My agitation has to do with our ridiculous desire to push off our responsibilities onto others or even off to Christ himself.

I was watching a Rob Bell nooma video last night and something he said just smacked me between the eyes. His statement that got me was "Don't ask God to feed the hungry, if you have plenty of food to feed them yourself." Let that sink in a little bit. We pray and ask God to do all this stuff or we think we are all "spiritual" if we come off our high horse and give a little money to some organization to help the "less fortunate". When in reality a simple inward glance within ourselves would reveal the true/intended instrument of change for others.

So I begin my day with a little righteous angst, a little concerned agitation. What will it take for us "Christ Followers" to open our eyes a little and see that the things we are praying for God to do and the things that we are giving money to others to do for us are the exact things that we are put here to do ourselves.

alpha

I have written in personal journals for many years. These journals have contained my ramblings, mostly directed at myself and at the Father. These rambling have called me to repentance, they have revealed the true nature of me (sometimes good and sometimes not so go0d), they have provided for me an outlet to express my feelings, and they have been an open diagloge containing my musings and bents towards a variety of topics that are important to me. I have decided to now take my personal journals and post them into this blog. A blog aptly called "spentlife". There is danager in posting a blog, danager not only because my grammar and spelling is not up to the level of some, but danager also because whenever you reveal your heart there is bound to be some who don't agree or get offended along the way. Such is this life, I guess.

I am writing this blog just for conversation sake. My strong desire is just to have a raw outlet of truth. I chose the blog title "spentlife" because of the true and simple power of the combination of those two words. If we are true to ourselves and true to our design we are called to live a life that is spent on others. It amazes me how so many of us get this wrong or for some reason never connect with this truth. This is true especially in the "Americanized" Christian church. For some reason most "Americanized" Christians have a tendency to look inward first and then possibly (on extreme and rare occasions) look outward. How this must grieve the heart of the Father.

For some reason "Americanized" Christians have this odd and dangerous inward view of their Christianity. They see things from a solely grace standpoint. They focus on passages that read "For it is by grace you have been saved,.......not by works, so that no one can boast." But for some reason they stop reading there, without looking at the verse to follow: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works." (Eph. 2:10). Can't believe I quoted scripture in my first blog, that is very odd for me. I guess I am just pissed at the inward focus of "Americanized" Christians.

There is no greater life than to live your life spent for the needs of others. Didn't make this up, it's truth. I'm sick of inward-focued "American" Christianity. We need to stop being so concerned about our bank accounts, personal problems, unanswered selfish prayers, and begin to be outward focused. We need to actively, passionately work to live a spentlife.

I guess I suceeded in posting my Alpha blog. We will see where this leads.